I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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