I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
