We named our party play list daddy issues
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
