would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
