using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
