grandma shit on top of the toilet
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
