Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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