WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
