I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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