There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
