just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
