Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
