Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
