I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
