i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
two words...techno handjob
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
