I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
