i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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