so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
