Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
