i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
