My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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