Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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