There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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