Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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