hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You're a waste of cheezeits
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
