I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
