this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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