so that wasnt chicken after all
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
