I feel like I'm in dance class right now
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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