The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
