When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
