So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
