we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
