We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I understand Curling. That high.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
