there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
