I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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