Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I am one with the molecules
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
