Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
