dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
