wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
just tell him i said nine months
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
