Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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