I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
