New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
