you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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