I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
