I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
