I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
its not stalking. its research.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Randomize
