I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
