Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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