I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
