Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
