i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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